The Dancing Bug

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Challenge #13: Breathe!

Posted by: on: June 15, 2012

So did you dance with everyone last week? I’m pretty sure I did. It really is a lot more fun to dance than to not dance. If you want to dance every dance and not sit out all the time, you pretty much have to just not be picky and go for it. So that’s what I did, and I had a great time. How did you all do?

This week’s challenge is the one my dance teacher has been nagging, er, reminding all of her students about in recent weeks. She keeps yelling, er, encouraging all of us to “Breathe! Breathe!”

When we start to think and concentrate too much while we’re dancing, we weirdly forget to breathe. And not breathing is, need I say it? A bad idea.

But remembering to breathe doesn’t mean remembering to inhale. We do that all right. The problem is we don’t breathe out. When we hold our breath, our muscles get tense. We can’t think straight. And then we get out of breath and feel like we’re working a lot harder than we actually need to.

So what I’m challenging you to do is remember to exhale while you’re dancing. Regularly and frequently. In between every exhalation, your lungs will naturally fill up with air, so don’t think about breathing in. Just keep breathing out the whole time. You can try timing it with the music if that helps.

So keep the oxygen flowing this week, and let me know how it goes, okay?

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Challenge #12: Dance With Everyone

Posted by: on: June 8, 2012

Did stretching in public work for you last week? Because I gotta tell you, it didn’t for me. Most of the time I didn’t even remember, which I think was my brain’s way of rebelling against what it believed to be my body’s attempt at a hostile takeover. And then when I did think of it, well, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I honestly didn’t realize I had such a big problem in this area. But now that I know, I’m taking steps. I started taking a Dahn Yoga class that focuses on this very issue – we do a lot of silly, childlike exercises and practice moving “however your body wants to move.” I’m going to keep exploring this issue, and maybe one day, when I’m seventy or something, you’ll see me doing tai chi in the park. But not this week.

Okay. Well, inspired by some discussions in here during the last couple weeks, I’ve come up with a very simple challenge for you. This week, if you’re a lead, I want you to try and dance with every follow in the room. Every follow. That may not be altogether realistic, numbers-wise, but do your best. And follows, dance with every lead. All of them.

For both leads and follows, that means two things: First, even though you hate asking for dances, do it anyway. Force yourself. Just ask anyone and everyone, and if you get turned down, just ask someone else and don’t freak out.

And second, you have to dance with everyone who asks you. If you’re inclined to say no to a certain person, well, you can’t. Just do the next best thing and limit it to only dance one dance with them. Then if they ask you again you have my permission to refuse. But you have to dance with them at least once.

Got it? Okay, well then you’ve got a lot of dancing to do this weekend, so don’t sit here all day staring at the computer. Get your shoes on and go. I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

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Challenge #11: Stretch in Public

Posted by: on: June 1, 2012

How did your last week’s challenge go? Did you meet anyone interesting, or learn anything interesting about yourself?

Mine was a total fail. I only went out dancing once this past week – poor me – and I kept looking around the room for someone I could befriend, but everyone looked like they were doing pretty well.

I guess what happened is I looked for the most awkward person I could find, and it turned out to be me. Sigh.

Anyway, I think it’s a good idea to at least do that much. Check around every once in a while and see if there’s anyone who looks like they need help. A good idea for dancing and for life, I think.

Well, on to this week’s challenge.

One of the biggest sources of irritation in my life right now is that it takes at least an hour to get from my house to any sort of proper dancing. That means every time I go out dancing, I have at least an hour of sitting all cramped up in a car before I get there. In case you haven’t tried it lately, sitting in a car hurts. The seats force your spine into an uncomfortable C-shape, and there’s no room to stretch your limbs. So every time I go out dancing, my first few dances are crappy, because it takes me a couple songs to get limbered up.

So why don’t I take a few minutes to warm up and stretch before I get out on the dance floor? This is what I asked myself.

I discovered the answer. Although I can’t say I’ve ever had stage fright dancing in front of other people, stretching seems to be another thing entirely. Basically, it makes me feel really foolish to stretch in front of other people, unless we’re all in a class, stretching together.

Not sure why this is. I know I’m not the only one, though – I’ve seen ladies duck into handicapped bathroom stalls to do their stretching. Many of us just don’t like to be looked at. I think it’s something we learn in seventh grade and never get over.

Well, a bathroom stall hardly compares to the windswept beaches on the yoga videos, and anyway, there’s not always a big enough stall at the dance places I go to. Besides, staying stretchy is important, especially for a dancer. I’m not in seventh grade anymore. Why should I have to be embarrassed about my body and go hide in the bathroom?

I’ve decided to confront this issue. This week, my challenge to myself is for every day, not just dancing days. Every day, at least once, I’m going to do a couple stretching exercises someplace where I know people can see me. Like at Winco. Or in the aisle at the movies. Or in my living room when there’s people around. I’ve got to get over this irrational phobia.

Is this an issue for you? Want to join me? I want to be like those senior citizens who do tai chi in the park. I want to see people freely and proudly stretching their poor constricted limbs in public. Let’s start a revolution!

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Challenge #10: Dancing With the Awkward

Posted by: on: May 25, 2012

I loved last week’s challenge! I found that hovering around after a song, and not being so quick with that thank you, opened the way for a lot of second dances that were even more fun than the first! I’m definitely going to make this a habit from now on.

There was one place where it didn’t work so well. I was dancing at a small venue, with a live band that plays long songs, and only two short sets. It felt like everyone was trying to get a chance to dance with everyone else in the short time available. I couldn’t bring myself to hover; two in a row seemed a lot more like monopolizing in this setting. But everywhere else I went, it worked great.

This week’s challenge is tough. I want you to seek out one of the most awkward-seeming people in the whole room (male or female, your choice), and take them under your wing. Three things I want you to do: find out their name, where they’re from, and how long they’ve been dancing. Ask them to dance, if appropriate, or if not, introduce them to someone else who will either dance or converse with them. Finally, keep an eye on them and try to say goodbye (by name) as they’re heading out the door, or if you leave early, track them down and say goodbye before you leave.

This is probably your hardest challenge yet, I know. That’s why I’m not asking you to do it more than once this week. Think of it as an experiment. Let me know how it goes.

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Challenge #9: The “Two Dance” Custom

Posted by: on: May 18, 2012

So how did last week’s challenge work for you? If you’ll remember, it was the one about generating all your dance movement from your spine, and envisioning your spine dancing with your partner’s spine.

This one worked pretty well for me, when I remembered to do it. It was kinda funny, because every time something went haywire with my dancing, I’d suddenly remember that challenge. Then I’d stick that image back in my head, and it seemed to fix things. And then I’d forget again.

But while I was remembering it seemed to help a lot. I think I’ll have to keep working with this one.

Well, on to this week’s challenge.

So I came across this website for a ballroom dance company, and there was a page for beginners called “General Etiquette.” On the list was this little item:

“The ‘Two Dance Custom’ is that of dancing two dances with one person, then inviting someone else to dance.  This is not required at our parties but is the general way.”

I had never heard of this custom being the “general way.” Have you?

Now I’m guessing that, being that the information is for beginners, the intention here is to get people to dance with other people besides the one they showed up with. As in, you only get to dance two dances with that person, before you have to ask someone else to dance.

But it really resonated with me more the other way. As in, it’s perfectly fine to dance two songs in a row with the same person. What a concept!

I almost never dance two in a row with someone, even if I’d really like to. I’m always embarrassed to ask, because I don’t want to come off like I’m monopolizing that person. It seems like I should share. But if it really is the “general way,” then I guess I don’t need to be embarrassed, do I?

In fact, sometimes at the end of a dance, I immediately say “thank you,” and then it feels awkward, like I hung up the phone on that person, when I really didn’t mean it that way. But now it seems to me that dancing a second dance in a row with someone would be a nice way to confirm that I really enjoyed the first one.

So here’s what I’m going to try this week: After I dance to one song with somebody, I’m going to try not being so quick with that “thank you.”

I figure if I linger just a little, and the other person lingers a little, then it’ll open up the possibility of dancing two in a row, if either of us wants to.

That may not seem like much of a challenge to you, but it’s a totally new way of looking at things for me. Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Challenge #8: Put Some Backbone Into It

Posted by: on: May 11, 2012

So last week’s challenge, about softening your gaze, was amazingly helpful to me! I found that when I was keeping my head up and looking more-or-less at my partner, without staring anywhere in particular, my turns worked better, I felt more grounded, and most importantly, it was a lot easier to smile! Awesome. Did anyone else have a similar or not-similar experience with this challenge?

This week I have a visualization for you to try. We all know we’re supposed to dance with our bodies, not with our separate parts: arms, legs, hands and feet. The famous “body leading” we always nag leaders about applies equally to followers – we need to “body follow” as well. This is the most comfortable, efficient and safe way to dance and also looks way better than steering and stomping.

Now, the deepest, most elemental part of our body is our primitive fish body, or our spinal column. As a way to encourage us to dance with our bodies this week and not with our parts, I suggest the following visualization. Imagine that you and your partner are nothing more than a couple of spinal columns. While you’re dancing, try to feel where your spine and your partner’s spine are in space, and in relation to each other.

Leaders, explore how you can move your partner’s spine by moving your own. Followers, play with feeling what your partner’s spine is leading your spine to do.

And when you’re solo dancing this week, explore generating all your body movements from the movement of your spinal column.

Well, that’s what I’m going to try this week anyway. Let me know what you think!

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Challenge #7: Soften Your Gaze

Posted by: on: May 4, 2012

So last week’s challenge – to pull in your chin and keep your head up – brought out all these dancing issues for me that I never realized I had.

What happened is that when I started trying to keep my skull regally balanced atop my swanlike neck, suddenly I had to deal with all these faces.

It occurs to me that part of the reason I love Balboa dancing more than any other kind may be this: Most of the time in Balboa the partners don’t have room to look at each other.

I’ve actually had blues dancers and salsa dancers say to me, in the middle of a dance, “I’m up here – look at me!” But I can’t stand to – it feels strange, and makes me do that nervous laughter thing. I think that’s why I’m always looking at the floor.

So I experimented this week with where to look. Staring into my partner’s eyes – no. Too creepy. Never going to happen. Staring past my partner’s shoulder felt rude, like I was looking around for someone to dance with next. Staring at their neck or shirt collar worked so-so, depending on relative heights, but is not a good option for when I’m dancing with a girl since it could look like I’m staring down her dress. About the best I was able to come up with was staring at their teeth. But it was a lot of work.

Then I ran this question by my dance teacher. And she told me that basically, it’s the staring that’s getting me into trouble in the first place. Rather than focus on where to look, she advised me to keep my head up and then soften my gaze. Use my peripheral vision and soft-focus to take in the whole scene – my partner’s face, the other dancers, the whole room, all at the same time.

I liked this advice so much that I want to work on it again this week. So that’s my challenge to you, my loyal readers, as well. This weekend, when you’re out dancing, think about softening your gaze.

How did last week’s challenge work for you?

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Challenge #6: Pull In Your Chin

Posted by: on: April 27, 2012

Happy Friday! So how did smiling work out for you? I’ll bet you a quarter that if you tried last week’s challenge, you might not have danced any better, but you had more fun. And I bet your partners did too.

You can’t go by me – I was at the DC Lindy Exchange last weekend, and I couldn’t help having a big grin on my face the whole time. It wasn’t really a fair test, you might say.

So anyway. I’ve been looking at pictures of myself dancing. Ugh.

And one thing I notice is that my chin is always sticking out. Also, I’m always looking down. Super awkward. I’ve got that whole forward head thing the yoga folks talk about. Looks like I spend way too much time on the computer.

So I’ve decided that this week I’m going to try keeping my head balanced on top of my neck where it’s supposed to be.

Wanna try this with me? If you’re not sure how, try this:

  • Put your finger on your chin. Now pull your chin back, away from your finger. Not enough to squish your throat, just to the point where your head is on top of your spine, rather than in front of it.
  • Imagine that your head is a big helium balloon, and your body is dangling down from it like a string.
  • When you turn your head, rather than turning your face toward the thing you’re looking at, think about turning the back of your head away from it. Like you’ve got a big handle sticking out the back of your skull, and someone’s using it to turn your head for you. If you compare the two ways of turning your head – turning your face versus turning the back of your head – you’ll see that the second one allows your neck to turn more freely.

Well, that’s what I’ll be obsessing about this week. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Challenge #5: Smile!

Posted by: on: April 20, 2012

Did anyone try last week’s challenge? I wanted you to experiment with meeting dancers who dance the same role as you, lead or follow, the ones it’s harder to meet because you never dance with them.

I made a point of chatting with a couple of very nice ladies I hadn’t met before, and that was certainly fun. To tell you the truth, although I am acquainted with a lot of leads because we dance together, some of my closest real friends are women I’ve met through dancing. That’s another benefit of dancing that I didn’t expect when I started out.

Well, I’m reporting to you live today from a small town somewhere in Loudoun County, Virginia, where I’m totally stoked about this weekend’s DC Lindy Exchange! And, inspired by a friend, I’ve set a challenge for myself in which I hope you all will join me.

The thing is, if you read this blog, chances are you’re like me, a dance nerd who takes dancing pretty seriously. Sometimes we can get this really serious look on our faces when we’re dancing, like we’re performing open-heart surgery instead of swingouts.

My friend Kelly Ann, while she is also very serious and nerdy about her dancing, is the smiling-est dancer I know! She always seems like she’s having such a great time, and I think it makes everyone else around her have a better time because of it.

This weekend, I’m going to try to channel her a little bit, and I suggest we all do the same. Let’s make sure that everyone we dance with knows we’re having fun – let’s try and remember to smile while we’re dancing!

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Challenge #4: New Friends

Posted by: on: April 13, 2012

Well, okay, so that didn’t work out very well.

As I said in a post earlier this week, on Monday I got all stressed out about my dancing and decided to take this big proactive approach and try to attack a whole bunch of my basic dancing problems at once while I was out dancing last night. Long story short, it made my dancing suck even worse. So it just goes to show what I’ve said all along: work on your dancing at workshops, at lessons, and while you’re hanging around waiting for the laundry to be done, but not on the social floor.

Or as I had to say to one of the leads last night, “Sorry. I can’t dance and think at the same time.”

Did anyone try last week’s challenge? I did, and learned about an organization called the Night-Blooming Jazz Men. DJ Emily said she’d seen them at Sun Valley. Their website claims they were formed in 1975, and they’ve just released their 25th CD. Holy smokes! Can’t believe I never heard of them before. Gonna have to snag me a couple CDs, I think. Anybody else find any new favorites this week? I’d love to hear about them!

This week’s challenge is pretty simple. When you go out dancing this week, I want the ladies to try and meet one new female dancer you’ve never talked to before, and gentlemen, meet one new guy. We always seem to know the people we dance with, but there’s this whole other half of the population out there, and it’s nice to know them too.

P.S. I think everyone should read today’s post on Swungover, it’s a good one!

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