I’m Depressed
Posted on: July 16, 2012
- In: misery
- 27 Comments
So I’ve been going through this phase where I sorta hate dancing. Do you ever feel this way?
I’m not sure what it is.
Part of it is just me. I’ve been feeling old, fat and ugly, and not sure I care one way or another. It seems like a pointless task to try and make myself presentable enough to go out.
Another thing is my dancing. I feel like I take lessons after lessons, but I still dance just as bad as ever. It’s been a long time since I had a really spectacular dance with anyone, and I know it isn’t their fault, it’s mine. Dancing with me must be roughly equivalent to trying to move a grand piano with one broken wheel.
Then when I look around the room, all I see is these kids. Cute young guys dancing with cute young girls, all probably looking to get romantic with someone, and here’s me, this random old married lady. What’s wrong with this picture?
Plus, everybody dances bad. The leads either yank me around all over the place like I’m some kind of sports equipment, or they’re diffident and wimpy, and none of them has any imagination. Then when I try to lead the girls, they’re either as immobile as a tombstone, or they’re leaping around everywhere without waiting for me.
Of course, the DJs are awful. Why can’t they, just once, just for a lark, play a song that actually makes me feel like dancing? It’s always just the same old stuff, over and over.
In other words, I’m depressed.
Well, it happens once in a while. I’ve hated dancing before, and I’ll hate it again. But it never lasts long.
Anybody got any great advice for getting out of dance depression?
27 Responses to "I’m Depressed"
July 16, 2012 at 11:59 am
I’ve been there! In fact, I’m there right now. Slowly coming out of it. I hate when someone asks how long I’ve been dancing, because I feel like i should be much better than I am considering the number of years that I’ve put into it. Now when people ask, I give a generic answer like “A while” or “a few years”. I need something to inspire me.
And regarding the DJ comment…. what do you want to hear? I’m ALWAYS open to hearing suggestions of what people want. Especially if it’s coming from someone who’s been a regular dancer for a long time. And to be frank, I’m really bored with my own music right now. So please, give me input!
July 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Oh, the music thing isn’t really about the music, it’s just me. I don’t even like my own music right now. But if I come across anything that gets my attention, I will definitely send it your way!
July 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Ok, well if you come accross something awesome, let me know. It’ll never get played if you don’t tell a DJ. 
July 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm
And by the way… you are not old, fat, or ugly! I have always admired you… both as a person and a dancer.
July 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I could’ve written this! Except in place of ‘married’ i would have put ‘lonely and sad’. It is why you didn’t see me for a few months after the exchange, except when I had to dj. What helped me a little was staying away from the big dances for a while. Then I went to a few smaller, live music events and was energized by the non-dancing onlookers who are always surprised and complimentary, as well of course the live music as well as having more space. That helped rekindle the flame somewhat.
And what Ronda said. Every time I see you I think “she’s such a gorgeous person… and she has the best hair. Then I see you dance – follow and lead – and am impressed by your dedication and skill… so there!
July 17, 2012 at 7:12 am
Thanks for your kind words, Melissa! When I watch you dance it always makes me think, “*$#&%!! – how does she DO that??”
July 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Take a break, stop dancing, and do something else that inspires you. I’ve found that when I take a break from dancing and pursue some other interest that elements from that interest change the way I approach dancing. By the way, You are great to dance with and get better every time I see you a the PPAA. You have gone through some different stages where I could tell you were working on certain styles that weren’t my favorite, but you always follow great when I’m not trying to interrupt your improvisational retort to my admittedly continuous lead. I have anxitey when it comes to allowing space in the dance. This is mostly due to the freakouts I have been party to when I leave space and some follow gives me the freakout eyes.
July 17, 2012 at 7:15 am
I’m adding “improvisational retort” and “freakout eyes” to my Glossary of Useful Dance Terminology – thank you
July 16, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Oh and ditto what Melissa and Greg said! My dance attendance became sporadic at best for a couple months this spring. I even took a *gasp* whole month off from it. I needed the space to remember why I loved it. In the meantime I spent time with non-dancing friends and discovered a new hobby that challenges me. Now that I’m back, the “depression” isn’t gone, but it’s refreshing to be there… rather than feeling “required” to be there.
July 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I love your blog and I love the way you dance. Thanks for posting this today as I am struggling too. I wonder if might just be “normal” (whatever that means) to have a variety of emotions about dance (and just about everything else in life). What I tell myself is this: “Don’t quit because then you’ll never get better. It was fun before, and it’ll be fun again.” I also agree with what Greg said about taking a break — especially this time of year when it is such a pleasure to be outside walking, riding a bide, or better yet, reading and napping! Now who sounds old. LOL.
July 17, 2012 at 7:17 am
Thank you – I hadn’t considered the weather element; that’s a very good point!
July 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm
Thanks for sharing so honestly. I totally understand what you mean. I just started dancing a year ago and am in my late 40′s. We have a lot of older folks dancing so that was fun for a while but now I really love the challenge of dancing with some of the younger leads that are really good at Lindy. So I always feel like I need to learn more and be better and sometimes I feel like I’ll never get it. Younger cuter girls always get asked before me and I feel weird about how much I love to swing dance!
July 16, 2012 at 3:27 pm
Take some time off.
When you come back, make it a travel event.
Or:
Take time off from social dance, and spend a month doing nothing but dancing solo for yourself away from prying eyes to whatever music you want, learning whatever steps or forms you want!
Absence from dance makes the heart fonder of dance!
July 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Listen to Galactic! It makes me boogie woogie and because it’s not your typical swing dancing music, it might inspire some creativity.
July 16, 2012 at 3:36 pm
I’ve definitely been in that place during the past few months. I took a break from taking classes and made an effort to get out to live music more often. I spent time focusing on solo charleston and learning to have fun dancing with myself because if I’m not having fun dancing with me why keep going.
July 16, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Perfectly normal. I wonder also if/when I will age out of the dancing scene. I hope that some older folks continue to show up at least once in awhile so that some people from my generation will be around to dance with. Otherwise I will have to find some thing else. There’s quite a few movement related activities that are similar.
Also I wonder why tango is so popular with a wide mix of ages, including older folks, but lindy hop and blues, do not seem to be that way. Is lindy hop to athletic for older people? What’s wrong with them? I would say to suck it up, but I can’t say that until I reach that age bracket. Blues, however, is typically not that athletic, so what’s the excuse there? Is there not enough substance? What is it?
Look for some other types of dance to try that you haven’t done before, and use some of the other free time to think about some other non-dance activities that you think would be challenging/worthwhile.
July 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Balboa seem to attract older fans.
Besides that I’m glad our little new (lindy) scene attracts dancers in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s. I really hope we can keep that variety, it is one of the best things ever!
July 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm
But no help to you, I’m too new (yet old) to feel like that. Though yes, enjoying the excellent company of dance muggles can be very refreshing. Happens when I meet my reading club buddies.
July 17, 2012 at 3:12 am
wow ..so many thoughts on all this . Been there , felt That , to all of it . Still do, unattractive , too thin , too weak , too old , not that good . That’s the human condition, and one we allow ourselves to get drug into when we start comparing ourselves , one to another , rather than just being ourselves , who We are , and having a confidence in That , which IS attractive.
Dance burnout is pretty much inevitable , just as anything else you try to fill your life with to keep you joyous . It can be joyous , but is not the source of joy , but for a few hours . I got so burned out at one time I had to quit and take up roller skating to feed the need for music and rhythm . And all for many of the same reasons stated by everyone , but I can honestly say now I enjoy dancing more than ever in my life .
I am Very fortunate to have found a Wonderful Dance scene filled with some wonderful people .Very fortunate to have found some dedicated dance teachers that took my dancing to a whole new level and some Wonderful dancers to share it all with .
For a while I struggled with all the new steps , and those ol feelings of not being good enough at one style or another would bother me and keep me from asking someone I felt was so much better at that style to dance. I was worrying about steps and patterns ( one of the downsides of lessons , and categorizing swing into separate boxes) more than just enjoying the music as I had always done . I finally realized worrying about all that was not important on a social dance floor and just went back to dancing To the music and not worrying about the step ( Although the lessons and steps make it possible to get comfortable with a partner , make a good connection , and have some initial direction ) , But
the beauty of the Lindy/Balboa/Charleston/Shag scene is that the follows don’t care about keeping it in a Box and just Love to dance and Feel it and all that matters is , Was it fun. Just try to get Into the music and let the music get into You and have fun.
As for the music , Songs that really move you can be elusive as so many people have such differing taste and ides of what Swing music is, and some would limit that and be afraid to offer other genres . I would hope that our DJ’s would become a little more daring and adventurous and broaden our scene with new and exciting tunes that make you Want to dance . Have to dance!! It can only bring more people into the swing scene. and if your not really feeling a tune you can take the time to get better acquainted with some of these wonderful people .
July 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm
I’ve definitely been there before (like a lot of people too from what I gather, chatting with my dancing friends). Especially when it feels like I’m not getting better at all (or even getting worse), and you see a new generation of dancers with so much energy and enthusiasm. What I’ve done in the past is try and pick up on the enthusiasm by dancing with the new beginner-intermediate dancers (who have solid fundamentals and aren’t going to yank your arm). The special ones that give you a lot of space, and get excited when you throw in any sort of variation, and are still in that discovery phase of dancing (and aren’t there for the dating side of things….).
But I know that isn’t the solution for everyone – it helps me because it reminds me of when I first started dancing, and I was happy to dance to anything with anyone. Another thing I’ve done in the past has been to take a break from lindy hop for a while, and try something new (I always end up going back to lindy hop eventually though… I find I can’t stay away long). Do you have any other types of dances that are on your bucket list to try? Maybe something new will help you feel energized and inspired. Heck, it doesn’t even need to necessarily be dancing related…
(I actually composed this response before having seen all the comments your post had already generated… looks like you’re very much not alone in all this, and a lot of people have had similar struggles, and similar solutions to mine. Hope you get out of your depressive funk, and that you rekindle your dance-love soon.)
July 17, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Some thoughts from the UK Midlands scene. I have been a East Coast Swing fan since 1994, having started with Rock and Roll dancing. We find those that come from R’n'R tend to go into Jump Jive, those that start with Modern Jive tend towards Lindy, is this the same where you are? I concur with the idea of getting to dance to a fresh audience, but it gets frustrating if you are solo, and cannot find a partner. Live music preferred, trad Jazz or swing, but not much swing here in uk. Been in your situ, but have managed to come through the other side. Thanks for your time, creating these think points.
July 19, 2012 at 7:40 am
Hope you feel better soon. I feel like that sometimes, I very nearly didn’t get out there dancing on Tuesday because I was certain I was to ugly, fat and a crap dancer. In the end I had a ball – I’m still new enough to swing that it always lifts me.
My recommendation for getting out of it? Try a new dance form: learn to tap, dance the blues, swango some tango, anything that will make dancing fun again. Or come and visit a new scene for some inspiration. London UK is swinging, and we love visitors!
July 16, 2012 at 11:59 am
Weird, I’m working on a post about what to do in this situation. I’ll post it later this week, and maybe it will be helpful. Or you could pick up and move to Seattle…
Oh, by the way, I mentioned your “Cat Like Reflexes” drill in my newsletter this week. It’s been inspiring me to work on rhythm & make up other drills. So, thanks!
July 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Thank you! Moving to Seattle, while tempting, isn’t really an option, but I look forward to reading your post
July 19, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Here’s my post, secretly dedicated to you.
When Lindy Hop Isn’t Fun Anymore: http://rebeccabrightly.com/lindy-hop-fun-anymore/